A new relationship is going to wobble along in a bit of a crazy way until the two of you get better at figuring out what in the world you’re doing. And if you’re not careful, you can wreck your budding new relationship before it even gets going well…
Here are 3 simple and effective ways you can give a new relationship a fighting chance.
“Hi, Claire. Recently I ran into a guy I had gone to school with years ago. We went out a couple of times but he said he wanted to just be friends. I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks, then he called me, wanted to hang out, and got all kissy and lovey-dovey, and then distanced himself again for a week or two. But then he gets in touch and we go out again.
He says he wants to be with me (we have not had sex), and that he has no interest in other women. He talks about how he wants me in his future and he’s introduced me to his family, but he also says he doesn’t want to fall in love right now because he’s not ready (he was married and divorced before). He told me I’m free to date other people, but that he doesn’t want to see anyone else himself, only me.
I am so confused. I like him a lot but I need more than seeing him once every two weeks. Plus we don’t talk on the phone; he only texts when he wants to see me. What do we have going on here, if anything?” – Shelby
Hi, Shelby, thanks for writing. And I have good news for you: there’s a lot to like about this guy. In fact, there’s so much good stuff here, I gotta bullet-point it. 🙂
Then you’ll find a list of the 3 most important things you can do to give this new relationship a fighting chance. A lot of women miss the mark on these 3 things, but YOU, darling, won’t…
Here’s what’s awesome about this guy, already…
- For starters, there’s absolutely NO pressure on you. He’s just enjoying your company. Enjoying it a lot, it sounds like.
- He really likes you, AND he understands that he may not be ready for a deeper relationship right this minute. Some guys aren’t very aware of what’s going on in their own heads and hearts. I’m guessing he will give up his reluctance to go deeper sooner rather than later, because he’s clearly interested in you.
- He’s NOT asking you to stop dating other guys, put your entire life on hold, and wait on him. He understands that you may not want to.
- He has introduced you to family. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t let you in to his world.
- He isn’t pressuring you for sex. It sounds like he IS interested, but he’s behaving like a gentleman.
Wow, did you just rack up FIVE major points in his favor? You did. Now, here’s what you need to do if you want to keep this new relationship growing…
TAKE THE QUIZ: Is This the Man for Me?
New Relationship Tip #1: Let a new relationship be NEW for a while. Without pushing.
The biggest thing that will help you learn more about this guy is time.
Because it’s crazy-easy to be in a relationship when there are no real issues to deal with. But how can you really know much about someone until you go through a little bit of struggle together? THAT’S when you’re really find out something about your guy…
So relax and try to enjoy this experience of getting to know him, without trying to rush things. A little time is going to really help you with that. And once you get through a few small struggles (and this is your first one), you’ll get a better idea of how well the two of you match.
READ MORE: How to Deal with a Slooow Boyfriend
New Relationship Tip #2: Remember that everybody has issues (even you).
Clearly he’s gun shy about committing himself to a woman, and yet he feels incredibly drawn to and interested in you. Yes, he told you the “let’s just be friends” part, but you’re still dating each other, even if it’s less often than you would like.
He’s conflicted. Nothing wrong with that. I bet if you dig, you’ll find you have your own conflicts in life.
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Enchant Your Man
There are certain things that reach a man’s heart in a profound way… and when you use them, you’ll “enchant” him.
When you watch Carrie Engal’s video you’ll learn some deeply magical, wonderful things about male psychology and how to be the woman he sees as “The One.”
(He may even start begging you to be with him forever when you use it…)
New Relationship Tip #3. Don’t let minor details wreck an otherwise good relationship.
Know the difference between small stuff and deal-breakers.
For example, I wouldn’t worry right now about the “not enough talking on the phone” issue (although I have written an article about that, see link below). It seems pretty minor – not a deal breaker – and you can work on that with him later if you need to.
READ MORE: How to Get Him To Call More and Text Less
Finally: Be willing to figure out what YOU want, and find positive ways to communicate your goals and timeline.
I hear you saying that you want to see him more than every two weeks, but why rush forward with this man? He doesn’t want to go faster right now, and he’s perfectly willing for you to keep dating, so why not accept the offer and see where it goes for a while?
Of course you wouldn’t want it to stay this way FOREVER (and he doesn’t either), so set yourself a timeline and let him know how long you envision dating before making further decisions.