Many women are tired of dating and are actively looking for a commitment, sooner rather than later. I know I’ve said to date other guys until the man you love the most is ready to commit, but I also know this can feel awkward.
But it doesn’t have to! I can show you how to make it exactly the opposite of awkward. There are just a few simple things you need to know.
Take a look at the letter below, and let’s unpack this thing just a little more.
“Hi Claire! I just finished the section in Capture His Heart on getting a guy to commit and I was wondering: I know you say to continue dating other men until you both agree to an exclusive commitment or you get a ring…
But what do you say to the one man you are truly interested in when he asks you if you are seeing other people?
I want to be honest with him if this comes up but I don’t want him to think I’m serious about him or hurt his ego too much (you know guys are so fragile).
I’m not in a big hurry to commit but I do really like this guy and he totally checks out on your ideal man checklist, and on top of we’ve been friends for years. He’s just started to see me in a different way and show interest (hence me signing up for CHH).
I just want to know what I should say if he asks me if Im dating other people because I feel like he could be the one provided that he appreciates the sexy amazing woman that I am and he chases me until Im ready to let him catch me. I don’t want to screw it up!” – Cheryl
Cheryl, thanks for writing. I can see that the main question in your letter is about a script: the exact words you should say when you’re trying to tell a guy that you REALLY like that you’re seeing other men as well.
That sounds SO awkward, doesn’t it? But it doesn’t have to be. In fact, it can be pretty sexy, and even spur him on toward that commitment you’re hoping for.
You can scroll down for that script, but I think there are several other things here that you should take a look at first.
Are you actually ready to commit?
And it kind of sounds like even though you two have known each other for years, the romantic side of things is brand spanking new.
It actually sounds like you’re in the first stages of falling in love, and even though you are dating for commitment, your actual relationship isn’t there yet.
So you’re smart not to commit just yet. You don’t know enough about him in this new light. Everything is looking great, but there hasn’t yet been time for the two of you to hit some relationship bumps and potholes, the kinds of things that let you see how you’ll REALLY do together when things get rough.
Before you stop casually dating other guys, you should BOTH be thinking that the next logical step is some kind of exclusive commitment. You’ll get there, beautiful! If not with this particular man, with another one who will be amazing and wonderful and who will love you with every cell in his body.
A desirable woman revs men’s engines…
Not only do most men casually date more than one woman at a time, they are also most interested in the kind of woman who is actively drawing the attention of other people — men and women included.
Casually dating other guys is one of the BEST ways to spark your man’s interest, and light up his urge to secure your relationship.
Men love to compete for the best, most attractive (and I’m not just talking about looks here) woman.
So yeah, dating until you get that commitment is a great idea. Otherwise you kill his desire to chase and win you, AND you also severely limit yourself and your own timeline for your future — all in the interest of “maybe” offending him.
Do you really think he would crumble if he learned that other (awesome) guys found you incredibly interesting? If he learns that you’re casually going out with some other “friends” and he completely calls it quits between the two of you, is that really the kind of guy you want? Don’t you want a man who would happily chase you and fight off the competition if he had to?
Don’t you want a man who feels wonderfully driven to win you, rather than a man who feels bored or easily irritated or passionless?
Of course you do, foxy lady.
But I still want to answer your question, the one about telling him that you are highly-desirable goods and he better act fast or risk loosing you forever… 🙂
(Don’t worry, it can be very sexy and beautiful. You’ll be aces when you tell him. Read on.)
How to tell him that you’re dating other guys (in the sexiest possible way)
You said you want to be honest with him if he asks if you’re seeing other guys.
Smart decision. But you can also be delicate and/or tactful about it. No need to rub his sweet, adorable puppy face in anything icky. He likes you! So give him some credit and be kind to him, and challenge him in a sexy kind of way at the same time.
That’s right. I said sexy!
You are an amazing guy, and I’m just starting to wake up to the possibilities of US, together… I’ve gone out with a few other friends, but you… You’re different. [Tell him HOW he’s different!] I’m starting to wonder if you are the man I will give up all the others for. I would love to test things out with a man who could make me feel that way.
What do you think about that? I told you it was simple.
The SCRIPT is, anyway…
Determining when to use it is a little harder.
Give your man a little time, and THEN you’ll be ready, Cheryl. Meanwhile, keep your options open and enjoy all that the dating buffet has to offer you!
I have a question regarding your comment on how to tell a guy your seeing other people, which makes sense. But my question is what if co-workers or, someone really not interested in your well-being, ‘asks on his behalf,’ more for the cruel gossip they can create from it. Not giving you a chance to make it sound like you’ve spread yourself too thin.
Hi, cindy, thanks for taking the time to comment. And what a sneaky little co-worker!! I’m guessing you have a specific person in mind. But they can’t get one over on YOU, girlfriend What you need to do is play your cards close to your chest with people like this. For example:
Sneaky co-worker: “So, I heard you were dating a lot of different guys.”
You say something like, “I would guess that most people date until they find that one special man who is ready to take the next step with them… I have some idea who that *might* be, but we’ll see how it goes.”
That’s a fairly polite way to say “It’s not really your business, sugar.” 🙂
HOWEVER, if someone is out to be ugly and spread gossip… Well, they will invent something. You can’t control what other people do. But if your relationship with your boyfriend is good, he won’t allow malicious talk to form his opinions for him, right?
Best to you!
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Hi Claire…ok, I’m rather new to all these concepts you put forward…you say date other guys. And for the first time in my life, I’m juggling more than one. Yay me!! While this is good in that I can’t let my obsessive tendencies smother any one man at a time (lol)…what happens if/when I develop strong feelings for more than one man?
Hi, Alikatu — Good question. The next step is that after you find one that you really like, and who seems to really like you, the two of you sit down and have an honest, low-pressure conversation about becoming exclusive (dating only each other). It takes a bit of thinking through, but it’s not hard to do it…