Dating and Romance

How to NOT Feel Desperate in Your Relationship (Even if You Really Are)

how to not feel desperate

If you’re living with fear or feel desperate that your relationship might suddenly collapse, you CAN shift your energy and get back in charge of your emotions…

“I’m desperate to keep things on track”

“Hi Claire, I really need your help. I’ve been in love with this guy for over a year. Had him pull back about 5 months, we worked through that. Then he thought he might be missing out on potential other women and asked for space. Next few months I fell into being his booty call. Then I followed your instructions of pulling back. It took 8 weeks but finally he was texting and calling me and after much effort on his part we finally reconnected last week. It was amazing, he was so romantic and loving.

Now I can’t figure out what to say or do next so that I can keep things on track. I fear he might try and go back to his bad habits, and I need him to click with me.” — A.

I gotta say this, stardust sailor: YOU’RE DOING GREAT!

You saw every single one of the problems as they arose, and you took action. And you were successful at it, too!

I hope you’re feeling the pride of that success.

And I hear you on the “What do I do next” count…

Get fresh (free!) insightIf you keep working on this relationship the way you have been so far, you’ll be fine. And if he chooses to leave a marvelous, growing, magical creature like you (and men do screw this up sometimes, for lots of reasons), it will definitely be his mistake, not yours.

So try to give your hard-working heart her props. And maybe a little peace and zen now and then. Because I can feel you riding the razor’s edge of desperation here.

You said “I need him to click with me.”

It made me worry just a TINY bit, because it sounds a little like you feel desperate, and you want to pull back from that, okay?

Part of WHY you may feel desperate is because you’ve had so much of your focus on a man who isn’t truly committed to you yet.

Now it DOES take time for trust to build up in a relationship, and I understand that you’ve had some not-so-encouraging twists and turns along the way (the emotional distancing, then the booty call period). But you can do this.

The way to NOT feel desperate is to NOT let the relationship be all-consuming…

You’ve got to stay WELL BACK from any hint of desperation or fear that you’ll lose him again. You need to love yourself more than you love being in this relationship.

And that’s a tall order, isn’t it? Here’s how you can do it.

1. Work on the things that make you feel successful (outside of being with a man)

Here’s a funny thought: how many women say “I feel desperate to work toward and build my own dreams for life. I desperately NEED to do that!”

Ok, you don’t need to feel desperate about it, but you do need to invest in building your own life and dreams.

Are you truly doing that?

If you’re not sure, ask yourself these three questions:

  1. What are my top two or three dreams for life (that don’t involve being in a relationship)? Carefully consider the different areas of life your dreams might be in: money, family, spirituality, work, health, lifestyle…
  2. Am I taking “small steps” toward those dreams every day, or at least every week?
  3. Am I celebrating doing these things that make my heart sing?

That last one is just as important as the other two. Don’t forget to celebrate your success!

Also, here’s a free “fresh insight” gift that may help you shift your energy (more on that below).

2. Volunteer! Give love away — for free!

If you’re not doing this already, you are going to adore how volunteering makes you feel (you’ll never “feel desperate” about this, sweet sister!), and you also might be surprised by how much love you get in return.

  • Be a lunch buddy in an elementary school.
  • Work in the local food pantry.
  • Get signed up to help out at a no-kill animal shelter.
  • Become a library volunteer.
  • Coach a local kid’s sports team.
  • Get involved with a tutoring program.
  • Become a docent at a museum.

Volunteering can definitely be hard work, but it can also be astonishing in the ways it can make you feel proud of yourself, and humbled by the sheer amount of love that there is out there.

3. Keep crystal-clear personal boundaries.

Here are some boundaries you should be working on:

  1. I am following my life plan.
  2. I know what makes me feel loved.
  3. I take care of myself, always.
  4. I share my deepest heart with my inner circle only.
  5. I deal with the important things as they arise.
  6. I have a voice, and I can use it well.
  7. I am not here to heal you.
  8. I have my own best interest at heart.
  9. I don’t cling to toxic people or relationships.

Creatively shake things up a little!

Not too long ago I was in a space of recovering from an intense and difficult experience, and on a whim I signed up to get a free numerology reading based on my name and birth date.

Get fresh (free!) insight

I guess I just wanted to see what the universe might say to me.

When I got my free reading, I sat there in shock. Some of the things it revealed were fascinating, and they prompted me to look at my life in a way I had not done for SO LONG.

I wish I had not waited so long to try it.

Sometimes you get tired – you only see, hear, and think about things the way you always have. And that makes it difficult to make shifts that can benefit your life and grow your spirit in new, fresh directions.

Invite some fresh, unexpected insight into your life!

Try things that are utterly new now and then.

Let those great currents of the universe help you look in new directions, and be open to sparkling new possibilities…!

xoxo Claire

PS: And just in case you’re wondering – this reading is NOT one of those generic horoscope style readings that applies to everyone. Every prediction and explanation you’re about to see is based on YOUR personal numbers.

Just pop in your name and date of birth and voila!

You should totally try this (it’s free!)…

You can pay for additional help later if you want (I did), but the first reading really is a gift.

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