If you’re in the throes of a mad crush, should you tell him how you feel? What if he is seeing someone else? What if you’re afraid you’ll overdo it, because you’re feeling needy?
Don’t worry fierce heart, there IS a good, healthy path through this tangle!
Should you tell him how you feel? Or will he think you’re too needy?
“Hello Claire. I’m in love for the first time in my life (I’m 29). We’ve known each other for 3 years now. At first we worked together, but even after that we stayed in touch. At first I feared I was going to lose what I felt for him. But it became stronger and I realized I simply loved him but was too afraid to express my feelings for him because he has a girlfriend.
When I hit a rough patch in my life he was the first person to come and see me at the hospital. His presence was enough for me to heal and move forward. He is the reason I managed to overcome everything that followed. I wish I could find the strength and courage to let him know what he means to me. That he is always there for me when I need some help or advice or simply when I just want to see him.
Recently I left town for work and was disappointed because I didn’t get to see him before I left. He was very busy with work and he texted me later saying he forgot the day I was supposed to leave. I was so sad that I didn’t text him back for 3 weeks.
Maybe I’m too childish. I don’t have ANY romantic experience. But I can’t keep it to myself any longer. I need to tell him how I feel. I don’t expect anything in return. I only want for him to know how important he is to me.
Do you believe he will think I’m too needy? Or hate me for not saying this to him before?
Thank you again and never stop doing what you do!” —E.
Dearest, darling E., you’ve fallen in love. 😊And that makes us feel off-balance, un-centered, and just a little bit (sometimes a lot) out of control.
For that reason, I think you should hold off on telling him how you feel. But don’t worry, I have a plan for you…
Before you do ANYTHING, you need THIS piece of important information…
You said he has a girlfriend. Which is fine — lots of men and women casually date more than one person at a time.
The key word here is “casually.”
You need to find out if he’s casual with his girlfriend, or committed.
Because if he’s committed, and they have decided to be exclusive with each other, there’s just no reason to wade into that and cause a lot of misery for yourself and them, too.
If that’s the case, you shouldn’t tell him how you feel. You need to date other guys, and get your mind off him.
And you should be dating other guys, anyway!
Never BEGIN a relationship with a man as if he’s going to be the man you marry and love for the rest of your life.
Date casually. Go in lightly.
You need to hold yourself a little bit in reserve, and allow time to get to know ANY man. Never rush in to tell him how you feel when emotions are running high and new. Allow a man time to earn your trust, to prove he’s a good match for you.
Being in love often causes us make unwise decisions. If you throw yourself (and your life) off the deep end without even knowing if he’s interested in you, you can do a lot of damage to your heart and soul.
So don’t let the chemicals drive you.
Take a smarter approach instead. And that starts with dating.
Now, assuming he’s single and available, invite him on a date!
Keep it light, simple and easy. Desperation and neediness are not sexy.
Confidence and joy are!
A woman who is in charge of her life and busy making herself happy and fulfilled (EVEN WITHOUT A MAN IN HER LIFE) is deeply attractive, and even smokin’ hot!
If the first date goes well, try a second! And a third… Well, you get the idea.
You don’t have to tell him how you feel. You just have to date him and enjoy the experience!
Men tend to have two main reactions to a woman they have NOT been dating telling them she is desperately in love with them…
1. Some men will use that as an excuse to get the woman in bed.
You don’t want to become a booty call. You deserve more than that.
2. Some men will be overwhelmed by the emotional gut-spilling, and they’ll run.
Most men are not going to react well to a woman they aren’t dating gushing her romantic feelings.
So don’t tell him how you feel right away; hold off until the two of you are a more legit couple.
Or better yet, use some of the ideas below to let him know…!
9 simple but powerful ways to tell him how you feel WITHOUT saying it directly
I know you want something that works in a dramatic and romantic fashion (I’ll share something about that below), but you can ALSO communicate a lot of good things without saying “I am deeply, crazily, wonderfully in love with you.”
- Give him a sincere compliment.
- Ask for his advice when you need help.
- Laugh at his jokes.
- Speak well of him to other people.
- Flash him your million-watt smile. Regularly!
- Let him be manly around you (let him hold the door, walk you to you car, open the jar, etc)
- Invite him to explain something to you.
- Tell him how much you appreciate his assistance on something.
- Get your flirt on! Use your body language to show you think he’s fantastic.
How to give a guy an instant, massive CRUSH on you…
I know this sounds a little weird, but humor me.
Choose a man. Any man.
It could be a man you’ve been eyeing for a while, could be someone you’re already with, or maybe even someone who left or rejected you in the past.
Try this powerful little tactic on him, then waaaaait….
At first absolutely nothing will happen.
But as he goes about his day, this will continue to work in the background and a bunch of new ideas and feelings will grow inside him and rapidly intensify.
He will find his attention and energy strongly drawn to thoughts of you.
(This is actually a lot of fizzy, romantic fun!)
Your guy will find you so attractive, so intriguing and so TEMPTING that he will want you with a fierceness that he has never known before.
That man you’ve been eyeing will develop a massive CRUSH on you.
He will express how LUCKY he feels to have someone as smart, caring, and gorgeous as you around him.
He’s going to find himself
- intoxicated, mesmerized, and excited by you (!!)
- he’ll feel emotionally safe in your presence
- and (almost uncomfortably) sizzling with desire for you
And this has absolutely NOTHING to do with how physically attractive you think you are (or aren’t), what you weigh, or any other superficial measures like that…
Go ahead. Enjoy the power. And choose your man, gorgeous sunlit lady.
Let it be beautiful, let it be a challenge, let it be messy… But don’t wait any longer. Good things are waiting for you.
PS: I know you tend to hang back a bit. But you’ve got nothing to lose. Go ahead and find out how to make him feel a deep, thirsty love for you by using this “secret formula.” (Not really “secret” — but very few women know how to do this well…)