Toxic friends are energy vampires who feed off you, and once you set some firm boundaries and enforce them, they often go away in search of better prey.
So if you’re scratching your head and wondering how you got into this toxic friendship in the first place, here are some helpful insights, PLUS 5 good steps for breaking free and getting your life back.
How did I even get into this toxic friendship in the first place?!
You feel used, guilty, and angry when you’re with a toxic friend, and they leave you emotionally exhausted.
But you are a smart, sensible woman! How did this happen?
6 signs that you are sending attraction signals to users and other toxic “friends”
- It’s extremely important to you that people like you. (You don’t feel “good enough.”)
- It’s hard for you to be your own best friend; you neglect your self-care.
- You’re in a season of overwhelm, and the thought of working to build new friendships sounds exhausting, so you just default to the ones you have, even if you already know they’re toxic.
- You haven’t quite figured out what your real soul-boundaries are, and as a result, you tend to let people step on you quite a bit.
- You don’t like confrontation. It feels like too much drama and distress to tell someone that their words or actions are hurtful to you.
- You’re a natural “rescuer” and “helper” type. One of the main ways you feel good about yourself is when you are doing things for other people, EVEN if they take advantage of your helping nature over and over again.
Okay, now you know. No worries — you can begin to get free from your toxic friend beginning immediately. Here are 5 tips to get you there…
5 steps for breaking up with a toxic friend so you can get your life and energy back again…
1. You don’t have to break it off all at once.
It’s okay to simply have less and less contact over time. If you DO decide to talk to your toxic friend, keep it brief and non-inflammatory. No need to argue, no need to demand an apology; you’re just caring for yourself and moving on.
2. Allow yourself to feel sad for a while.
Your friendship, even if it was toxic, meant something powerful to you. There’s no point in beating yourself up — you’re doing the right thing for yourself now — but it’s okay to grieve your loss.
3. Care for yourself.
Know your deep soul boundaries, and firmly but lovingly maintain them.
4. Focus on your HEALTHY relationships.
This helps keep you from thinking all the time about the unhealthy ones (who are demanding your attention or throwing fits because you’re no longer supplying what they want).
5. Call in your support network.
If you have a really persistent toxic person in your life you may need the encouragement and support of a good friend, coach, or mentor to keep you on track.
Get Your SPARKLE Back… And Turn Up Your Shine!
Things in this world break. Relationships take hard shots. People will disappoint you. Girlfriend, you’ll disappoint yourself.
Some days will be all glitter and happy yoga poses, but many others will be unbelievably HARD.
If you’ve gotten to a place where you just
- aren’t feeling the love
- can’t remember what real confidence feels like
- are exhausted and overwhelmed by everyone else’s demands and expectations of you…
It’s hard to feel normal when you’re surrounded by dark, thundering clouds, and it feels like all hell is about to break loose.
On those days (in those seasons) it’s easy to feel completely isolated, like you are carrying weight far beyond the capacity of your soul.
You have dreams that are SO worth going after, but you get stuck, bogged down, or you just lose heart. It’s just SO hard to do everything on your own.
It’s time for you to put yourself, and the health of your inner soul garden, first.
It’s YOUR time now.