Commitment Dating and Romance

7 Terrible Reasons to End Your Relationship

end your relationship

Every relationship has struggles. If you don’t get hit by a few monster waves now and then, you’re probably not in the relationship ocean.

But just because you encounter storms doesn’t mean it’s time to end your relationship. In fact, these are the kind of tests that make your relationship sturdy and beautiful, like hand-crafted ship that might be a bit scarred, but is deeply loved and definitely sea-worthy.

 

“Dear Claire, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He’s a “Keeper” (I took your quiz about that), and he’s been so good to me and I love him, but I have a problem. Even though we’re living together and not seeing others, I thought I would be married by now and with kids even. There’s a guy at work who likes me, which totally gives me butterflies (unlike with my current relationship). What should I do?” – Taylor

Thanks for writing, Taylor. It feels great to hear from a woman who has such an good man. He passed the “Is This the Man for Me” test!! You have such a fabulous thing going, girlfriend…

Here’s what you need to do

Let him know that you’re interested in getting married (Click HERE to learn exactly how), and how long you’re willing to wait. A good man like yours is well worth working things out with, and believe me, if you can do this now, it will serve you SO well over the many years of a marriage.

Now, about that sexy, flirty co-worker…

I think you should politely ignore his interest in favor of investing fresh energy in the amazing man who loves you so much. A smoldering glance or two from another man is a very exciting experience, but it’s a TERRIBLE reason to end your relationship…
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7 terrible reasons to end your relationship

And when you mentioned it, I realized there were several other disastrous reasons to throw a good guy out just for the thrill of test piloting a new man…

Terrible reason 1: You’re tempted by a new man

There will ALWAYS be other men (and women). It’s like I keep promising you – there isn’t one Prince Charming out there for you, there are hundreds of potential soulmates! Are all of them perfect? No. But so many of them have the potential to win your (very special and unique) heart and love you forever.

Just because you feel tempted doesn’t mean you have to act on it. Don’t let the fantasy of “This guy will be SO much easier, more fun, better, etc,” sway you. There ARE no short cuts to a successful LTR. Even if you ran away with the new person, you’d still have to work day-by-day over many years to build THAT relationship, too.

Terrible reason 2: The butterflies are gone

Falling in love is fun and crazy and a little sick-making. 🙂 It can actually help when some of that chemical fizz settles down and the two of you can start to work on how you really are day-to-day.

To get back the excitement periodically, plan some adrenaline-fueled date ideas, like going to see a scary movie, ziplining, or deciding to enter a warrior dash together…

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Turn him into a romance addict?

When was the last time your husband or boyfriend (or even a guy you were just casually seeing) really made you swoon?

When was the last time you felt butterflies go through your whole body at something he did or said, or the way he looked at you?

–> Don’t “beg” for romance. Watch this and learn how he’ll give it to you on his own!

The weird truth is that most men DO have a “secret romantic” inside…

And you can wake it up and enjoy ALL the romantic attention! (Go watch the video)

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Terrible reason 3: He doesn’t make you happy any more

It’s not his job to make you happy. It’s yours. Beware of the fairy-tale fantasy that says that if only you have the perfect prince, you will always be (automagically) happy.

Terrible reason 4: He wants sex “all the time”

Sexual intimacy is not the same for everyone, and it changes as you age (decreasing for him, increasing for you). It’s your responsibility to communicate openly about how often you want to enjoy sex, and take the steps necessary to be ready for it.

Big benefit here: physical intimacy builds the chemical bonds between you, in addition to strengthening emotional attachments. So. Get it on with your guy 🙂

Terrible reason 5: It’s boooring

Anything you don’t work at to keep interesting can get boring. Boredom isn’t the best reason to end a relationship, but it should be a notification that you could take measures to inject some adrenaline-sparking excitement into it.

My guy is comforted by predictability and quiet. I like new challenges. So rather than dragging him to a crowded party, we take on difficult hikes in beautiful, remote locations – works for both of us.

Get creative; I know you can find plenty of spicy and adventuresome ways to whip up some relationship mojo!

Terrible reason 6: We just had a huge fight

This is the single worst time to make decisions about ending a relationship. Fights and arguments give the two of you an opportunity to figure out how to work things through. Without that ability to get through thin times as well as thick, you will never have a chance at a long-term relationship.

Wait until things smooth out some before making any major decisions about your future together.

Terrible reason 7: He has SO much baggage

Yep. Pretty much everyone does, including you. And all “issues” are not equally important. Make sure you can tell the deal-breakers from the ordinary life stuff.

It’s not too late…

In fact, it’s never too late to make a shift in the way you’re thinking about your relationship. It’s never too late to talk to him about commitment, marriage, and the future.

Part of sticking together for the long haul (and finally getting to be one of those adorable couples that makes everything say “Awww, they’re still together!”) is your ability to work your way through all the struggles that will come your way.

But you’re a team, making your relationship more seaworthy and better every day. Hang in there! I believe in YOU.

xoxo Claire

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