It’s difficult to be dating someone struggling with depression, but it’s also not an unusual challenge to be dealing with.
If you’re working to figure this one out, here are a few pointers.
“Do you have advice for dating someone so negative from depression…?”
“Hi Claire. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 5 months ago. We’d been friends for 9 years total. A few months before our break up he was diagnosed with depression. I’m guessing a lot of our issues were connected to this.
I’ve tried to gently invite him back into a relationship, but he is still in a negative mindset, has no confidence in himself, always saying I need glasses or have low standards if I compliment him.
I just don’t know what to say to him now, I don’t know if I have now ruined all chances I had of rekindling our relationship.
Do you have any advice for dealing with someone so negative from depression? I want to be understanding and supportive, I just don’t want to be walking on eggshells all the time.” —C.
Hey beautiful woman. I’m so sorry for your struggle. If you decide to keep pursuing this relationship, there are a few things you should keep in mind.
Depression is not who he truly IS…
I have a sense that you know this one already.
I think that’s part of what is making you work so hard to rekindle this relationship.
And there’s more you should know:
Depression causes men (and women) to be irritable, to be constantly looking for distractions, and to seem emotionally uninvolved.
They often seem moody (or touchy), and will look for distractions — including using drugs and/or alcohol — in order to avoid the misery of being depressed, or the fears they have about getting help with depression.
When your boyfriend is depressed, he will often view even “neutral” things in a negative light.
I say this because women work SO HARD trying to be positive and encouraging — or even just plain ORDINARY — when a man is depressed, and when he responds in a negative manner it’s NOT your fault.
He is not going to want you to try to “fix” him.
Men want to be manly. There’s a predominant cultural message that it’s not manly to be depressed. And it’s definitely not manly to have a woman trying to fix the problem. (A lot of men do not even want to admit there’s a problem. Not manly! Arrgh.)
If he's pulling away, don't wait until he's gone. Say THIS before it's too late...
When a man is dealing with depression, he will feel like he doesn’t deserve your love.
This is why your compliments fall flat or are rejected. It’s like you mentioned in your email — he has no confidence in himself.
It takes enormous amount of personal strength for a guy to admit that he is depressed, or to get help for his depression.
He may not do it, and you may not be able to convince him to. I’ll come back around to that in the next section below.
What YOU need to do, if you’re going to date a man who is depressed…
- Know what you’re getting into. Do your research. Educate yourself about depression and the effects is has on couples.
- Take extremely good care of yourself.
- KNOW and maintain good personal boundaries. Your tendency will be to do far more than your share of the work in the relationship, and that’s not healthy for either of you.
- Consider getting professional help if you can. If not, lean heavily on your support network.
- Consider whether or not it’s a dealbreaker if HE decides not to get help.
More than anything else, remember that you don’t have to stay with someone who is depressed.
You should be dating other guys, not putting off your own life so that you can nurse, tend, or try to heal this man. That’s not your job, it’s his.
Your job is to not let HIS illness make YOU sick.
You need to know how much you’re willing to invest with him before you make important decisions about staying or moving on.
Rewrite your relationship and KEEP your man?
You can trigger the right emotions and the right memories using simple, easy tidbits of psychology that you will pick up in a heartbeat.
You CAN have a relationship that’s MORE amazing than when you first fell in love. You can BOTH experience the kind of one-of-a-kind love that is worth fighting for no matter what.
This “Relationship Rewrite” can help you do it:
- In the shortest possible time. No long drawn-out and painful reconciliation dramas.
- With minimal pain, and without digging up and spreading out all the mess of the old mistakes you both made. This method happily closes the door on the past so that old wounds and arguments don’t come back to haunt you…
- Using the #1 thing that gets couples to their 20th wedding anniversary and beyond!
- With no games, no guilt trips, and no sneaky tricks to get him back only to have the same issues threaten your love again.
So if you want to stop imagining your happy ending and start actually experiencing REAL love, REAL reconciliation and a REAL new-and-improved relationship…
If you’re ready for emotional relief, and to know that things are going to be better than they were before…
Then Rewrite Your Relationship is specifically for you.
Are you ready to create a bulletproof bond with your man that’s stronger and more intimate than anything either of you have ever experienced?
Are you ready to discover just how much power you really you have in your relationship to create the epic romance you’ve always dreamed of?
No short term tricks, no smoke and mirrors, no stressful games, and no begging.
Everything you need to know, do and say to to rewrite the story of your relationship is right here.
PS: Remember, there is more real, actionable information on attracting and committing a man in this short, practical guide than you’ll get reading a dozen books. The secrets inside have worked for many other women just like you, and it’s 100% guaranteed so there’s literally zero risk to test it out in your life.
PPS: You deserve to have an amazing relationship with a loving, caring, committed man NOW instead of years from now, so don’t miss this chance for true relationship joy in your life…