Commitment

How to be Queen in Your Relationship Castle

What if you never felt like you had to wait on a man to take the next step in your relationship? What if you felt like you had just as much power and ability to make important life decisions?

It’s time for you to reclaim your unique feminine power! It’s time to become queen in your relationship castle, and let him be your adoring king.

Here are the exact steps you need to know, and specific scripts you can use for each stage…

“Claire, I have been dating a guy for a year. We are both divorced. Initially, I was dating other people casually… finally decided he was the one I was most into. At first, we lived in different states, so texts, phone calls, video chats and a few dates is what I had to go on. We were upfront about not meeting the kids right away (as both of our ex’s frequent the dating scene and introduce our children to their partner over and over again).

Three months ago, my job brought our travel time down to just over an hour. I have mentioned taking my kids to a skate park or to a downtown pizza place and would he like to join us with his kids. So far it hasn’t worked out. When I ask him when it will happen, he reassures me when the time is right it will work out perfectly. He’s made it clear to me that he plans on us being a family, even talked about marriage, living here or there and lots of other future topics. How long do I wait? Am I reading too much into not meeting them?” – Amy

Hi, Amy! Good news for you: I think you have a great chance of success with this guy. And before I give you the exact steps you should start taking in order to become Queen in your relationship castle, I want to say two quick things…

First: Don’t date ONLY him unless you both agree (explicitly) to be exclusive.

I can’t quite tell from your email whether you decided to date only him on your own, or whether BOTH of you had a conversation about it

I hope you both agreed to this, but truthfully, this goes hand-in-hand with another piece of information, and that’s your timeline… Keep reading.

Second: Know and communicate your timeline.

You can certainly be flexible about your timeline, but you should have one and he should know what it is. If you would like to be married within the next 10 months (year, two years, etc.) he deserves to know that’s your hope. For example:

“I’m very serious about finding the man I want to spend my life with… I think I’ll know within [insert your timeline] of beginning to date someone whether or not he’s the one.”

However, I’m guessing that hasn’t happened. But you’re in luck!

Since the next step in your relationship – having the kids meet – is so clear, it’s easy to structure a conversation around that very specific step!

NOW: Plan to have THIS “next step” conversation

Choose a time that’s convenient for both of you, and have a non-threatening, low-key conversation with him about your relationship.

QUICK WARNING: DO NOT (ever!) ask him “Where do I stand?” That allows him to have alllifelong love the defining power in the relationship.

Instead…

1. Start with a recap of your history.

“Wow, it’s been three months since I moved here. It’s been so awesome to be closer so that the two of us could get some fun dates in more easily.”

2. Tell him something you genuinely enjoy about your dating, or about him specifically.

“I LOVED getting to see the little theater that was such a big influence for you growing up. You’re such a talented guy, and I can’t wait to see you in a community production sometime.”

3. Then, invite him to share his experience.

“How has our relationship grown for you since I moved into the city?”

4. And eventually, remind him of your timeline and/or next step.

“Well it’s been ___ months and we’re still going strong. I’m ready to take the next step in our relationship. What do you think about getting all our kids together for ice cream next Saturday?”

5. If he says, “I’m not ready,” then agree to the next conversation about it.

“I understand. Everyone moves at their own pace. When do you think we should plan to talk about this again?”

And if he seems to want to slide out of giving you a specific answer, suggest one of your own, like…

“How about next Thursday over coffee after I get off work?”

If he seems reluctant, do these 3 things.

It’s really okay if he feels scared, or uncertain. It’s a BIG step. Be willing to be somewhat flexible. A great man is worth that! So…

  1. Maintain your joy – you are going full-steam after the life you dream of, with or without him. You hope it will be with him, but you won’t wait forever.
  2. Dive into your own life. (Don’t be constantly available to him.)
  3. Plan to have another conversation with him. Truly, this is what amazing relationships are made of. Good, clear, ongoing communication. Like this:

“You know, we’ve chatted about taking the next step in our relationship several times now, but we’ve never been able to agree to move forward… Is there something I should know?”

shadow-ornament

Discover the secret password to his heart

secret to lifelong loveUnleash his hidden passion for you! The secret is this forgotten superpower most women don’t even know they have.

→ The secret to lifelong love

No more pulling away, shutting down, or putting up walls. Overcome the relationship roadblocks that keep you stuck in a cycle of frustration and heartache and create the lasting love that you’ve always dreamed of—and deserve!

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I think your future looks very bright...!

I have a feeling it's going to go well for you. Be patient! A good man is such a marvelous gift in the universe, and you deserve this.

Just don't give up your power. Be willing to tell him what you dream of, and need. Just a few tiny adjustments and you will be Queen of your relationship... And you will find you have a very happy King!

xoxo Claire

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