Dating and Romance

How to Be the Kind of Man a Woman Desires (4 Simple Requests)

kind of man

What is it exactly that women want in a man, anyway? Is is really about luxury goods, six-pack abs, or how good a man is in bed?

Do you have to be the kind of man who will watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding or Bridesmaids (again) with her? Take her shopping and die of boredom while she endlessly compares shoes or contemplates nail polish colors? Ask her about (gasp!) Pinterest?

C’mon. We may have a fantasy of Ryan “Hey Girl” Gosling rubbing our feet while asking us what we pinned today, but we know it’s a fantasy. (It’s a fun fantasy, just a little different than the one you men have about J. Lo.)

Believe it or not, being the kind of man a woman wants and desires is actually simpler than that.

Here are a few of our (not-really-secret) secrets…

1. The “Three Magic Words” are NOT what you think…

Women want to be listened to. We know we’re complicated and don’t always make sense, but we still want to be heard and understood.

So the kind of man who says the REAL Three Magic Words: “Tell me more…” is the guy we would do nearly anything for. Hey, I bet you just got some ideas… Yep, we might do them, too.

Use your Three Magic Words, dude, and become a rockstar to your woman.

(We hope you’ll use the OTHER Three Magic Words, too.)

More for the LADIES: How to Make a Man Crave You Desperately

2. Help her feel safe…

Don’t ask a woman whether she “would like help with” something; instead, actively look for ways to make a woman feel taken care of.

Here’s why women like to feel protected: It’s how we’re wired.

Take the free quiz! We’re not wimpy, or incapable, or weak. Our bodies, emotions, and spirits are strong, but it’s still not a world that accepts us for the amazing creatures we are. So when we have a powerful, reliable partner who makes us feel safe and protected, it’s like suddenly being part of a superhero TEAM.

Now, don’t misunderstand what we mean by “a partner who makes us feel safe.”

Being PHYSICALLY protected has little to do with how strong a man is, but it has EVERYTHING to do with how a man USES his strength.

It’s less about fending off the a-hole in the club (although you should absolutely do that) and more about not taking her to places filled with drunken idiots.

Here are a few things you can do routinely to make the woman you’re dating feel protected:

  • Let her go in the door first (which says “I got your back”)
  • Walk her to the car/door/etc.
  • Get the attention of the waiter or service person for her.
  • Deal with small hassles for her.
  • Give her directions about where to meet you, avoiding “unsafe” or clogged/difficult areas.
  • If she’s having to tell you to cool things down, she’s not feeling safe with you – she’s on her guard.
  • Be decisive WITHOUT being controlling.
  • Very minimal swearing.
  • If she’s constantly having to peel your hands off of her, you’re screwing up.
  • DON’T repeatedly leave her for unexplained or needless reasons (“I just need to check something,” “I just need to make a quick call,” etc)
  • DON’T set up a second date to occur at your house or apartment.

MORE: The Kind of Man That Makes Women Melt

3. Stimulate her senses…

This doesn’t mean grope. In fact, you get triple bonus points and an extra play if you can do it without grabbing or leering at all.

  • DO let her see you breathing her in.
  • DO look at her appreciatively, and compliment her style.
  • DO smile at her, lean in toward her.
  • If you’re at a bar table, put your chair on her side, rather than across from her.
  • DO dress well, be clean, smell amazing, and behave generously.

What you’re doing here is treating her with the respectful attention any amazing, sexy, and confident woman desires and deserves.

You’ve making her feel like the incredible woman she is.

MORE for the Guys: 6 Ways a Gentleman Makes His Lady Desire Him

MORE for the Guys: 7 Secrets to Passionate Kissing

4. Be a MAN. Not a boy…

capture his heartBoys are notoriously unreliable. A woman wants the kind of man whose words match up with his deeds. That means she can trust you, and that feels amazingly good.

Boys tend to be selfish; a woman wants the kind of man who puts her high in his list of priorities, and does things in her best interest – even if it doesn’t “get” him anything. (But believe me, it will “get” you quite a lot.)

Boys bail out at the first sign of trouble. A woman wants the kind of man who will stick with her and help to work problems out as they arise.

I think you’re getting the picture… Every fabulous woman wants a man who can do these things with style and power.

MORE: 3 Secrets to Lasting Love

Sound like an order you could fill?

So, fellas… Are you the kind of man she’s dreaming of? And ladies… Would a man like this get your engine running? Leave me a comment and let me know what you think…!

xoxo Claire

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10 comments on “How to Be the Kind of Man a Woman Desires (4 Simple Requests)

  1. All the above….

    Also a good communicator …. Even if it’s a 5 min call to say hi how’s your day or a one line text that says thinking about you !!!

    • Claire Casey

      Hi Somya — How often he reaches out to connect with you is definitely a measure of his interest, although how many connections you like to have day-to-day is a personal preference (and a personality thing — introverts do it less). Of course, it can easily be adjusted, so long as the other person knows that it’s important to you. So don’t forget to talk with your man about it, Somya, and be patient with him while he builds the habit. 🙂

  2. Laurence

    This is so perfect!!! Do you think it is ok to forward this my lovely but clueless boyfriend?!

    • Claire Casey

      Laurence — LOL! You could, but he would see these comments if you did. Instead, why not bring each one up (over time) and lovingly teach him how to do these things for you

      And if you can catch him doing something you absolutely love (for example, breathing you in, or making a way for you through the crowd, etc) REWARD him. Tell him why you LOVED what he did for you and how wonderful it made you feel. Sometimes guys are like lovable Labrador puppies. They don’t always know in advance what you want, but they are thrilled when they DO please you. And it makes them want to do it again.

      • Laurence

        Great advice, thank you! Week 1 of Man training starting on Monday 😉

  3. Christina

    Omg thanks for this thread in the comments, timing is perfect AH-gain. Was about to forward to my lovely-but-clueless what I now know is an introvert/extrovert badass man with his (financial, co-parenting with ex) act together. Miss Claire, I really would’ve missed out if I didn’t “hear you” about other communication modalities, being patient while adjusting to each other’s rhythms. (He Facebook pokes. Frequently. On his lunch, breaks…I get it now.) Your advice & the words of all these amazing, brave ladies remind me to slow down, breathe…we have all got each other & we got this!
    Love, Glitter & Unicorns Bearing Gifts…:-*
    Christina

    • Claire Casey

      So glad it was helpful for you, Christina! Rainbow Dolphins right back atcha. 🙂
      Rainbow dolphin

  4. Definitlly what you said is what I want, a man that listen me! And loves me for who I am!, as you said we as a woman aré very difficult to understand!! Thank you for your advices!!

  5. I met a great guy earlier this year who does all these things. The problem is that he’s been deeply hurt by women from his past. Things will be going ok and then he shuts himself down when he remembers things they’ve said. We’ve talked about it quite a bit. He has a,young daughter that he gets to see occasionally. He also carries guilt for not being able to protect her from a trama she dealt with. Distance is also an issue as we live 5 states away from each other. Any helpful tips on how to help a guy overcome a tramatic past would be helpful. Thanks

    • Claire Casey

      Hi, Ruth

      Men who have been hurt in past relationships are usually going to need some time to work through their issues and new, better experiences to take the edge off the old ones. But some men (just like some women) hang on to their old injuries, or use them as excuses. I’d say since you’ve been together less than a year, this simply requires some patience on your part for now, and a conversation or two if he wants to talk about it.

      Still, it’s a great suggestion for a new article, and I’ve put it in my list of upcoming posts. Thanks!

      Regarding the long distance issue, I’ve written a couple of posts here that I can link. Hope they will be helpful to you!

      Long Distance Dating: Overcome the Top 5 Challenges
      Turn a Long Distance Fling Into a Thing

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