He’s amazing, he’s hot, and he leaves you breathless. You emphatically DON’T want to mess this up. Here are a few helpful guidelines as you make your way toward becoming the good girlfriend he’s blown away by…
How can you know if you’re being a good girlfriend? (Check this out…)
Hello, Claire! My boyfriend and I are both 25 and we love each other very much. However, he is very hot headed, and when he’s angry or upset he’s a totally different person. He doesn’t push me away, he actually tells me what’s going on, but sometimes I’m not sure how to react and I’m left worrying if I am being a good girlfriend or not.
For example, last week his car broke down and this week his credit card was declined. He called and told me about it, but all I could think of to say was “Aw, baby, I am so sorry.” Or “Is there anything I can do?”
It upsets me when I feel like I can’t help him. When he’s upset, it seems like nobody can make him happy and being his girlfriend, I wanna be that person for him. What do you think? What can I do? — Terra
Hey there, Terra. The good news is that he is doing a great job of being your boyfriend by sharing his frustrations but NOT taking it out on you, or blaming you, or expecting the wrong things from you.
The bad news is that as women, we are often taught that as a good girlfriend it’s our job to prevent men from ever being angry or to pacify them when they do become angry. That’s messed up, because making his anger go away is emphatically NOT your job, fierce heart! It’s normal for people to sometimes be angry, and it’s HIS job to work through his issues.
A good girlfriend (or boyfriend!) is willing to listen and sympathize when their friend or partner is going through a rough patch — that’s a sparkling and wonderful gift in the world.
It’s actually much more helpful than trying to “fix” someone else’s problem or make their anger go away.
So by listening and understanding when he’s upset, you’re already being a good girlfriend. It’s clear you love and care for him.
Here are a few more of the things that a “good girlfriend” does for her man (and this works the other way, too, you know)…
Top 11 characteristics of a good girlfriend (or boyfriend!):
- You listen and sympathize when he is going through a difficult time, WITHOUT trying to “fix” his problem, or make his anger go away.
- You are confident about yourself. Most of the time. You don’t tamp down your “weird” just because he’s around. In fact, the two of you are kinda weird together! #awesome
If there’s a problem between you (and there will be), you’re willing to work with him to fix it.- You don’t bring your world to a total halt when you’re dating a man; you continue to pursue the dreams, friendships, and goals you have for life.
- You are supportive and encouraging of him. You let him know how much you appreciate him.
- You know your boundaries, and will tell him when he’s crossed one.
- You’re willing to do a little bit of give and take, because you care about and respect that he’s different from you.
- You never expect him to read your mind. If it’s important, you talk to him.
- You are working with him at building trust and intimacy. You know this takes time and effort.
- You both take responsibility for your own happiness in life. You know it’s not your job to “make him happy”.
- You know and can communicate what makes you feel loved. And you’ve paid attention and worked to find out what makes him feel loved, too.
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